This week we went on a mini road trip to visit her. She lives about 200 miles south of us, in a small town just north of Roseburg Oregon. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and there were very little clouds in the sky. Completely abnormal for January in Oregon! As we reached the edge of her property, Chris grabbed my hand and held it tight. I know how hard it is for him to see her as the time goes on. It's such a role reversal, usually Chris is holding me up when my knees get weak and I can't go on. This time it's my turn to be the strong one, my turn to keep him from falling.
I thought the visit was going great, until I realized that Chris was spending very little time in the house, he kept stepping outside. I decided to follow him, he was walking through the property and taking it all in. As I walked behind him, slipping my hand into his I asked him what was wrong. I could see the hurt in his eyes. "This could be the last time I see her." I didn't know what to say. I just rubbed his back, finally I muttered a low "I'm here for you babe."
As our love grows stronger with the years, I worry what will happen when one of us passes away. I usually tell him that we need to die together, like in The Notebook. But I know that will likely not happen. Statistically I will outlive Chris. That will leave me alone.
When we got home that evening I told Chris how worried I was about living without him. He told me in that moment the only thing that could make me feel better.
I promise to give you enough memories to make you laugh every day that I'm gone, I promise to wrap you with enough love to keep you warm at night, and I will wait for you wherever I may be, I will wait for you.
I cannot imagine life without Chris, but lucky for us we are young, and hopefully have many many years to build an amazing life, filled with enough memories to keep my heart full when it feels like breaking.
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